DRIVING MS CRAZY

Driving Ms Crazy

It is a right of passage for children everywhere. Turn sixteen, get a driver's license. I remember getting my license. Barely. But being raised on a farm, it feels as if I've been driving forever. In my early teens I was helping my dad in the hay field--driving a truck and trailer. I could back a boat into the lake at an young age. I grew up driving.

I've somehow blocked from mind the times I sat in the truck and cried because my dad was yelling to ease off the clutch, ease off the clutch, and I didn't and the truck kept dying.

Now I have to let my children take this 'right of passage.' It isn't easy and for some reason, my kids don't like to drive with me in the passenger seat.

As my middle kid gets ready to take his driving test, I'd like to give you a little taste of what he gets in a five minute drive with Ms. Crazy. (me)

"Pull up, look both ways. Wait, there's a car coming. Don't pull out. Pull out. Hit the gas and go, don't dawdle. Slow down."

We ease on down the road. "Stay in the middle of the road. Stop swerving. You really have to control the wheel. I don't care what the speed limit is, you're not ready for it. Always watch for other cars. It's the other drivers that will kill you. See that big drop off next to the road. Stay between the lines or you'll end up down there."

Deep breath. Kid is turning a little green and shaking. I think I've done my job and scared him into being a safe driver.

Next intersection. "Look both ways. What are you doing? What, you're looking both ways. You need to pull up and be ready to go. What are you doing easing out like that. Hit the gas, go..."

Kid is thinking that he might need tranquilizers for himself or for me.

Pull into driveway. "That's a car. Don't hit that car. Always turn into your lane, don't ease into the other lane. You're going to hit a car. You're going to crash. What, you're going to park? With me in the car. I can't take this. I don't think you're ready."

He gets out of the car and walks away. I collapse.

Another day of Driving Ms Crazy.