This has been a crazy summer. I hadn't realized it had been so long since I visited my own blog. How sad is that?
So, what happened to make the summer crazy. Not a lot, really. Writing deadlines, kids, kids, kids, vacation, the RWA NATIONAL CONFERENCE in Orlando, kids, kids, kids....
My husband and I celebrated our 24th anniversary this summer. Twenty-four years...and we actually still like each other!
Yes, people are amazed. Most particularly the people who wonder why he married me in the first place. Yes, I know who you are.
We've been asked how we do it. How has our marriage survived. I've thought about it and i think the secret is this: friendship. Okay, there is more to it than just friendship. Communication. Mutual Respect. Determination. Communication. Firm Grasp on Reality. Yes, seriously, reality. It's that place where you leave behind the fantasy you built around marriage and your partner and you accept REALITY.
But friendship is a great place to start building a healthy marriage. Friendship will get you through the tough times,( and there will be tough times).
We need to put the same energy into building a relationship with our spouse as we put into our friendships. The difference between our BFF and our spouse is the time spent together. Seriously, if our BFF moved into our house and left her dirty dishes on the coffee table, we'd get tired of her, too.
Your spouse is the best friend that moved in.
Remember when you were a kid and a friend spent the night. It was great. You played, rode bikes, stayed up all night. The next day you did't want the fun to end, so you asked your friend to spend another night. By the next day the two of you were fighting, tired, and never wanted to speak again.
Of course someone threatened to walk home or said the infamous words; I don't want to be your friend anymore. And of course you always made up. Why? Because you were friends and that's what friends do.
Marriage is a slumber party times infinity. There are going to be times when you just want the other person to go home. But then you remember: THEY LIVE WITH YOU.
Build a friendship with your spouse. Spend time together the way you spend time with your best friend. Learn to communicate. (that includes listening as well as talking). Drink coffee together. Go to lunch. Talk.
I think I can speak honestly and say, you aren't always going to feel in love. But if you have friendship, you'll have a foundation to stand on.